A friend asked me about a theme that seems to run through my blogs–emotion. She asked why I seem so intent on not allowing my emotions to have bearing on my reactions. As a professional counselor, she has a different perspective on emotion than most others do. I started working on this yesterday, and I’d like to finish and post it now because God knows I won’t be available during the Super Bowl. (The Steelers are damn good, but Arizona is my second home, so I have to root for the Cardinals!)
Emotion is a thing that humans truly corner the market on. We’re the only creatures on this planet that experience it so intensely. We’re the only beings on Earth who are so driven by it that we often become a boon to ourselves. That’s not to say that emotion is necessarily a bad thing; I’m not saying that all emotion is harmful. But it holds a power over each and every one of us that we’ve become programmed to accept subconsciously. It’s as if we’re taught from a young age now to simply obey whatever we feel. Whereas it used to be more common to discourage acting on impulse, we can see from the YouTube generation that impulse is almost all we recognize anymore. Our impulse is driven by our emotions.
It’s natural for teenagers to be impulsive. You teach a child to do what’s right; sometimes you catch them with their hand in the cookie jar, and you may spank them, but eventually they learn. Once they become teenagers, their bodies start changing, their chemicals and hormones start reacting differently, and they start facing the prospect of going out on their own. They have to learn lessons that will carry them through life. When I was in junior high school in Houston, a program was developed that taught kids that “if it comes from inside you, then it’s good and you should trust it.” When kids would beat me up–I still remember this–there would always be one teacher who wanted to tan their hides, yet the principal would want to sit us down, have a talk, and ask the kid who had pummeled me why they felt the need to do it. It would go something like this: “Eugene, why did you pin Mel down and punch her?” “Because I don’t like her!” “Well, why don’t you like her?” “She’s an idiot!” “Eugene, we don’t call people names. Why don’t you like her?” “Because…she’s annoying! I just don’t like her! Everyone hates her!”
That conversation actually took place, and it goes on still today. When I was much younger, you were paddled for the slightest infraction. As I got older things changed and I barely noticed it until I had to look back at it and realized the stark differences. Somewhere along the way, society started deliberately putting more emphasis on emotions, on feelings, as a means by which to gauge how we should behave. It has resulted in the vast majority of people, whether they realize they’re doing it or not, reacting based entirely on what they feel rather than what they think. “How do you feel about that” has become the question of the century. We practically define ourselves by it now.
It has been reflected most of all in our political leanings. “WAR IS NEVER THE ANSWER!” Alright…why? What made you come to this conclusion? “THE DEATH PENALTY IS WRONG!” Why? On what is that statement based? “YOU’RE SO INTOLERANT!” What makes me intolerant? “YOU CAN’T IMPOSE YOUR MORALITY ON ME! MORALITY IS RELATIVE!” Okay–then I’m your fault. “WE NEED CHANGE!!!” From what? Exactly what needs to be changed, and how do you propose it be changed? Are you willing to go for whatever change is offered for the sake of change, or have you actually given thought to the fact that things could, in fact, get much worse?
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in this life is that you cannot trust your emotions completely. I have watched myself tear good friendships apart because I spent more time reacting emotionally rather than rationally. I’ve made a lot of poor decisions in my past because I was more interested in feeding an emotional need instead of taking the time to question myself. Ironically, it was the epiphany that I might be gay that first taught me to question how I feel. Since then, I’ve had many experiences that have tested my faith in myself. I’ve learned to think carefully before I react, even though I don’t always succeed in being logical first. I’m human; human beings are the most thick-skulled, self-absorbed, stubborn creatures on the planet, and I’m no exception to the rule.
My friend, the counselor, thinks I’m just going through a period of far-opposite reactions to past experiences and that I’ll learn to embrace my emotional responses again someday. Maybe. For now, I just wish more people would stop feeling and start thinking. Emotion can be an amazing thing when you’ve found the love of your life and they reciprocate your feelings. But when deciding the fate of the free world, emotion now stands to do more damage than any of us realizes. I believe with all my heart that was what Abraham Lincoln spoke of when he addressed the rumors of civil war after becoming the President:
“I am loath to close. We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.” –Abraham Lincoln in his first inaugural address
steveflesher
Philip
Mel Maguire
Mark Ciavola
