In the midst of a debate about Democrat vs. Republican beliefs on abortion, commenter DavATA had this to say:
OMG MelMaguire I think you need to turn in your ovaries. Some of my female friends have said I can be sexiest at times, but I would never, ever think a woman asked to be raped! Your party is going to be in the minority for a long time with views like that. And by the way, since you claim to respect the law–last time I checked abortion is legal in the USA.
My comment was that women can prey on men just as easily and that I’ve met women who do. Never in my comment did I mention rape; click on the link and read the conversation. But since DavATA was gracious enough to bring up the subject…here’s what I think. Some are likely to think by what I’ve said so far that I’m not a good lesbian OR feminist. Give it a chance before you make up your mind, though.
Those who support abortion say that they don’t necessarily condone it, but that a woman should have the right to decide what to do with her own body. They particularly favor abortion in cases of rape. My argument is that if you’re raped, you should go to a family advocacy center where the rape kit and morning-after pill are free; in every center I’ve worked with, the decision to file a police report is left to the victim. So if you shouldn’t need an abortion in the case of a rape, I don’t think abortion should be legal once the fetus forms a beating heart.
Contrary to some arguments, rape is not the only circumstance under which a woman can become impregnated. Just because a woman finds herself with an unwanted pregnancy does not mean it was all the man’s fault, either. I have known women who got pregnant while on the pill. I have known many more who got pregnant when their partner was using a condom. There is not a single prophylactic device in creation that is 100% effective. Sometimes, the failure to avoid pregnancy is deliberate. I’ve met more than a couple of women who deliberately set out to get pregnant–for the sole purpose of getting extra money.
Whether it’s hush money, child support, or any other form of monetary compensation, women daily tell men they’ve slept with that they’re pregnant. Sometimes it’s just because they want a child (this usually happens in the cases of young girls who haven’t given much thought to what it takes to raise a child). I have even seen women lie and tell their lovers they’re preggers and asked for money to pay for the abortion they didn’t need. I’ve heard one brag openly that she got pregnant on purpose, and that she’d slept with three men…and she had lied to the one she said was the father because his family had money. There are many, many cases of women preying on men, putting them in situations that are completely unfair.
Why? Because our society has long believed that because men don’t carry the children, they should bear the brunt of the responsibility. A woman’s body goes through major changes during pregnancy, and once the child is born there is a great deal of work that has to go into raising it. Having a child isn’t cheap, either. Because it is easy for men to simply walk away, they become the easiest scapegoats whether they wanted the situation or not.
I’m not for one instant trying to make an excuse for all men. I’m not calling all women whores or baby factories. Far from it. I simply want the truth to be understood. I’ve seen guys I know try to abandon women and children as often as I’ve seen women deliberately put men in those positions. Personally, I think any man who has the cowardice to rape a woman should be subject to castration. Just my opinion. And men who sleep around and don’t care what chaos they cause should be held accountable for their callousness. Women who victimize, however, are out there and they deserve to be left to fend for themselves.
As for the “since you respect the law” comment, I’m cracking up. I love this: “since you say you respect the law, last time I checked abortion is legal in the USA.” Guess what, folks? A lot of things are legal, including discriminating against gays and lesbians in many states. It was completely legal to add Proposition 8 to the California ballot, and it’s completely legal that it was voted into law and is now observed. But I see an awful lot of GLBT folks pitching a hissy fit over these things because it’s discrimination. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s RIGHT.
I’ll never forget sitting with a buddy of mine a few years ago at my favorite local pub and listening while he wept about his girlfriend deciding without asking him to get an abortion. He’s never really gotten over it. Nobody would ever be able to tell he’d been through that because he’s an awesome guy. He refused to pay for it, and I support to this day his right to tell her no.
Oh…and I like my ovaries just fine where they are, thank you very much.
steveflesher
Philip
Mel Maguire
Mark Ciavola
Comments
Great post, mel.
It’s not an easy decision for anyone to make (actually, the sex portion of it is, but the rest of the decisions…).
Women went from having no control over their own bodies, to now having control over men’s futures. It’s not just by getting pregnant, it’s also with false rape accusations.
Someone who has been raped has been a victim of a horrible, horrible crime. And there are disgusting animals out there who get off on this.
I, for one, am actually a fan of chemical castration for rapists.
But… Duke LaCrosse. That’s all that really needs to be said about that, it explains the other side. I’ve seen, personally, several cases where women falsely claim rape in order to get back at a man for something. And in accusations of rape, there is no innocent until proven guilty. Whether you did it or not you will pay for the rest of your life.
It’s been said that absolute power corrupts absolutely. Women needed to have a say in the destinies of their own bodies. Rape needed to talked about and “brought out of the closet” so to speak to stop those who were perpetrating it regularly.
But this – it was not supposed to be like this. And I wish I knew the answer to fixing it.
“It was completely legal to add Proposition 8 to the California ballot, and it’s completely legal that it was voted into law and is now observed”
I’m not so sure about that. It seems like a violation of the equal protection clause of the fourteenth amendment. I expect to see this overturned, or at least challenged, in the courts. If not, then in CA, and here in AZ, we may have just voted to add discrimination to our constitution(s)…
“I’m not so sure about that. It seems like a violation of the equal protection clause of the fourteenth amendment. I expect to see this overturned, or at least challenged, in the courts. ”
Measure 8 is being challenged in CA. The CA Supreme Court opted to hear the case right away instead of letting it work its way through the lower courts. A ruling is expected in March of this year.
You are correct Robert about the argument of Measure 8 violating the equal protection clause. That’s the crux of the legal argument against it.
At the same time the CA Constitution does give the people the power to amend their own Constitution. That check is the balance against a potentially out of control judiciary. If Measure 8 is tossed the judiciary in my opinion is saying “we control when the constitution can be amended as well as controlling which laws comply or do not comply with the constitution we control.” The latter is fine with me but the former does not sit well. Our government is founded on checks and balances. The judiciary like the executive and legislative branches needs to be checked too.
I do not think any sane person would argue if you make a baby then you have at a minimum financial obligations. Regardless of how a baby is conceived, when it is born it needs food, medical care, etc.
But if a woman tricks a guy into getting her pregnant then what is the remedy? If he sues her and wins then she ends up paying him and he ends up paying her child support. So, in effect he is not paying child support. She is paying it. If the legal judgement against her exceeds the child support then he makes a ‘profit’.
I am not certain if that is a good or bad thing? That ‘profit’ is one less dollar to support the well being of the child.
I’m not sure I agree with the guy suing in those circumstances. The problem with all of this is that it’s difficult to prove who knew what, who said what and whose fault it is. Scientifically, the only thing that can be proven is paternity (unless there’s audio or video tape evidence of what was said).
I still think men are targeted just as much, though.
Since you you seem to infer that the majority of women who are raped are lying then I stand by my comments. I have reread your comments and you did imply that women are lying about being raped. You may not like it, but a woman has a right to control her own body and the majority of Americans agree.
I did not infer any such thing. Read what you want, but it’s not what I believe nor is it what I say.
“You may not like it, but a woman has a right to control her own body and the majority of Americans agree.”
Hmmn. The majority of people in California voted to ban same sex marriage. So did the majority of people in Arizona and Florida plus I believe 27 other states too. So those people must be right eh? After all, they are the majority.
I didn’t read it as Mel implying that women who are raped lie, but that pro-choice people talk like all abortions are done on rape victims (in truth, lest than 0.3% of abortions are attributed to rape victims, as well as 0.03% being done on incest victims. So, over 99% of abortions are done one women who consented to have sex).
Something being legal doesn’t make it okay, like Mel said. How ridiculous! So when slavery was legal, it was morally acceptable? Forced sterilization was legal at one point in this country too, etc, etc. There are and have been plenty of things that were legal that were not moral.
My husband had a friend whose baby was aborted by the mother. He begged her to have the baby and give him full custody, sign over her rights, whatever. But she killed the baby instead. He’s married to someone else and has 4 children with his wife now, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t grieve over the baby he lost. The way pro-choicers treat men like that is shocking and inhumane. Their attitude is basically “sucks to be you, asshole” and of course they usually imply that the man doesn’t really care about the baby and just wants to “control” the woman. Because of course no man could ever REALLY love his unborn child, right??
In Alabama, child support is figured using Guidelines set out in legislation. These guidelines can be deviated from for good cause shown and if approved by a Judge, but for the most part, they stick to the formula; it’s pretty cut and dry. This is done not only in the spirit of fairness and equity to keep everyone’s support balanced, but also because of the sheer volume of Domestic cases coming through the Court system. If a Judge had to figure out every situation differently, nothing would ever get done, so they make a set formula to ensure speedy calculation. This is done in numerous other jurisdictions as well. If one is curious about child support in Alabama, there are some up to date Alabama Child Support Calculator (s) out there that will give a pretty close approximation of what your support Order will look like.