I Was A SLAVE!

I used to work for banks as a fraud investigator. In fraud, we talked every day to the bad guy trying to pass themselves off as the customer. We always had the occasional stretch of about a week or so where the same two or three men with heavy accents would call in on multiple accounts – and they’d have a hell of a lot of information on the customer they were trying to rob through us. We weren’t stupid. The accent, by the by, was Nigerian. I learned long ago how to tell different accents apart. Any time we had a fraud trend going with the bad guy calling us, the bad guy was always Nigerian.

One day, I announced to my team in our open chat session that another trend was starting. I’d just ended a call with a man who spoke with a heavy Nigerian accent and he was trying to pass himself off as a customer to open a card we had stopped making a lot of highly suspicious transactions. Out of nowhere, a black woman on our team typed, “how do you know he’s Nigerian? I’m Nigerian, and I don’t have an accent! I think you’re a racist!”

She said this for twenty people to see.

The team immediately exploded. I went on the most professionally outraged tirade I could muster. I explained, “you did not grow up in Nigeria. Your ancestors may be Nigerian, but you did not grow up speaking Hausa, thus you do not speak English with a heavy accent. This guy clearly did because he speaks with a very distinct accent. I’m from Texas, so to your ear, I speak with an accent – are you racist against me for pointing that out last week?”

That meltdown was the talk of the entire floor until I left the company. The woman involved transferred to another unit quickly after the exchange. She was never required to apologize to me (and I wouldn’t have wanted them to force her to), but everyone knew she was being hysterical for a silly reason and that was enough for me.

After that, I tend to laugh uproariously whenever a black person starts losing their mind over something I say and accusing me of being a racist. I talk about welfare needing more checks and balances; YOU OWE ME FOR SLAVERY! HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST I HAVEN’T EARNED THIS MONEY! I talk about food stamps not being a right; I get the same response. I talk about how you can own your future, get an education, and work hard to have the things you want; HOW CAN I?!? YOU CRACKERS OWN THE WHOLE SYSTEM! YOU AND THE JEWS AND THE CHINESE AND THE INDIANS, YOU OWN EVERYTHING!!!

Imagine my amusement, then, when a friend sent me this video. Before you click, be prepared – the last half is pretty foul. It’s NSFW. When you’re home and the young kids aren’t around, click the link and watch all six minutes. If you have older kids, have them sit down and watch it, then explain to them just why she’s a moron. Note that she’s losing her mind because the clerk at the store wanted her to pay $0.20 – yes, twenty cents – for water.

You own your own future. YOU. If you give it up to other people, it is your fault. It doesn’t matter what color your skin is. It doesn’t matter what neighborhood you live in as a child. If you want to make a better life for yourself, you will find a way. Stop blaming the system and the white man for your willing failures. Stop blaming circumstance or your parents for the crimes you commit. Stop expecting everyone else to pay your way through life when you waste your high school years “having fun”.