I used to work for banks as a fraud investigator. In fraud, we talked every day to the bad guy trying to pass themselves off as the customer. We always had the occasional stretch of about a week or so where the same two or three men with heavy accents would call in on multiple accounts – and they’d have a hell of a lot of information on the customer they were trying to rob through us. We weren’t stupid. The accent, by the by, was Nigerian. I learned long ago how to tell different accents apart. Any time we had a fraud trend going with the bad guy calling us, the bad guy was always Nigerian.

One day, I announced to my team in our open chat session that another trend was starting. I’d just ended a call with a man who spoke with a heavy Nigerian accent and he was trying to pass himself off as a customer to open a card we had stopped making a lot of highly suspicious transactions. Out of nowhere, a black woman on our team typed, “how do you know he’s Nigerian? I’m Nigerian, and I don’t have an accent! I think you’re a racist!”

She said this for twenty people to see.

The team immediately exploded. I went on the most professionally outraged tirade I could muster. I explained, “you did not grow up in Nigeria. Your ancestors may be Nigerian, but you did not grow up speaking Hausa, thus you do not speak English with a heavy accent. This guy clearly did because he speaks with a very distinct accent. I’m from Texas, so to your ear, I speak with an accent – are you racist against me for pointing that out last week?”

That meltdown was the talk of the entire floor until I left the company. The woman involved transferred to another unit quickly after the exchange. She was never required to apologize to me (and I wouldn’t have wanted them to force her to), but everyone knew she was being hysterical for a silly reason and that was enough for me.

After that, I tend to laugh uproariously whenever a black person starts losing their mind over something I say and accusing me of being a racist. I talk about welfare needing more checks and balances; YOU OWE ME FOR SLAVERY! HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST I HAVEN’T EARNED THIS MONEY! I talk about food stamps not being a right; I get the same response. I talk about how you can own your future, get an education, and work hard to have the things you want; HOW CAN I?!? YOU CRACKERS OWN THE WHOLE SYSTEM! YOU AND THE JEWS AND THE CHINESE AND THE INDIANS, YOU OWN EVERYTHING!!!

Imagine my amusement, then, when a friend sent me this video. Before you click, be prepared – the last half is pretty foul. It’s NSFW. When you’re home and the young kids aren’t around, click the link and watch all six minutes. If you have older kids, have them sit down and watch it, then explain to them just why she’s a moron. Note that she’s losing her mind because the clerk at the store wanted her to pay $0.20 – yes, twenty cents – for water.

You own your own future. YOU. If you give it up to other people, it is your fault. It doesn’t matter what color your skin is. It doesn’t matter what neighborhood you live in as a child. If you want to make a better life for yourself, you will find a way. Stop blaming the system and the white man for your willing failures. Stop blaming circumstance or your parents for the crimes you commit. Stop expecting everyone else to pay your way through life when you waste your high school years “having fun”.

Bad Guys Need Jobs, Too

I had no idea, but apparently the Obama Administration’s EEOC has almost completely re-written the rules. Just a year ago, the EEOC released a suggestion that employers stop refusing to hire minorities based on criminal records. Not white people, mind you – just the minorities. Because, you know, we live in post-racial America.

The “suggestion” is about to be enforced as a rule. Dollar General Stores and a BMW facility in SC are being sued for supposedly discriminating. One woman sued Dollar General for refusing to hire her based on a felony conviction; to be fair, the crime was attributed to her in error. But a lawsuit over it? The employer acted in good faith. It’s the background screening agency (and possibly the offending court) that should be sued, not Dollar General. The vast, overwhelming majority of companies out there these days hire other companies to do background checks for them. Dollar General isn’t responsible for falsely reporting that the applicant was convicted of a felony.

BMW, however, required in 2008 that all of their contract employees (not permanent employees, CONTRACT) re-apply for their jobs. That’s actually typical for contract positions – once the contract is up, if the company wants to extend new contracts or maybe even hire some of the workers on a permanent basis, they’ll ask them to re-apply. In the case of BMW, the workers who lost their jobs weren’t all black – but the black workers in the group complained that it was still a racist decision because a “disproportionate” number of those displaced were.

The EEOC has acknowledged the fact that the number of Americans with criminal records has gone up over the past several years, but they claim that because blacks and Hispanics get arrested and convicted more often, they deserve some kind of preferential treatment. I’m sorry…I’ve worked to maintain a clean background. I’ve never threatened to do harm to another person and the last time I stole anything I was 12 years old and I took a pack of baseball cards from another kid at school. I carry a gun, but I’ve never brandished it. The total of three fights I’ve been in as an adult were started by other people – and once the fight is over, I let it go. I never kick someone when they’re down. I haven’t been perfect, but I’m respectful towards others and mindful of the fact that innocent things can be taken horribly wrong. I conduct myself accordingly.

So how is it that someone else can get a free pass for their poor choices because their skin color is different?

All this is going to do is lessen the potential consequences for those at-risk groups. If they know they can sue and win over a job they were turned down for because of a criminal conviction, they’ll have even less incentive to obey the law and actually care about where their lives are going.

I once had a black woman I worked with scream racial epithets at me right before calling me a racist. In recent years, I’ve been called a racist by another coworker simply for referring to someone’s accent as “Nigerian”. I’ve been called a racist I don’t know how many times for disliking our President. I grew up with less than most black kids have today. My father served this country right after Vietnam, a time when most people still hated their defenders. Back then, enlisted salaries were a joke. You didn’t get a stipend for your wife or kids; you didn’t get extra pay for deploying. My father had to buy his own uniforms on the peanuts they paid him even with three kids to feed and clothe. Once I was in school, I was bullied, harassed and beaten up everywhere I went. Home wasn’t a happy place, either, because I was always the oddball. Even church was often a rough place for me when the kids who bullied me at school started going to my youth group. No matter where I have gone or what I have done, I have faced adversity – but I have still managed to get an education, be polite and respectful, and do something decent with my life. I have never done something to hurt another person and then turned around and blamed the way I grew up or the people who treated me badly.

Why does anybody get away with that? Why do we allow government agencies to put pressure on employers to forgive criminal pasts simply because the applicant isn’t white? The EEOC guidelines that are about to become the de facto law of the land will give people of color the ability to do something I’ll never get the chance to do: argue why they should get the job despite a felony conviction on their record.

Gone are the days when convicted felons worked their way back up the ladder in the real world. Now we live in a society where the government gets to decide that all companies have to pay a “living wage”, provide health insurance, and give jobs to minorities who can provide a compelling reason why their criminal past should be forgiven over the white woman who was willing to work hard for a decent life. Blacks and Hispanics can blame their idiotic choices – their CHOICES – on their hard life and get away with it.

Post-racial America.